13 Things I Want My Son to Learn Before He Turns Thirteen

Right now my oldest son is seven years old. Those years have flown by, and he will be a teenager before I know it! Very soon he'll be at the age where doing things just because mommy said so isn't going to be what motivates him. He's going to want to know all the answers and make his own choices. I want to do all I can to prepare him for that season of his life. And if I don't have clear goals in mind I'm not going to do very well at reaching them. I sat down and came up with this list of thirteen things I want my son to learn before he turns thirteen. This is what I'll be aiming toward as I teach him and pray for him.

Do I expect he'll have all of this down perfectly? Somehow I doubt it. (I'm still practicing some of them myself!) But I hope to at least have him headed down the right path. I'm not going to be content with leaving him to fend for himself when it comes to developing Godly character.

1. Fulfill Responsibility

When my son is given a job to do, he needs to learn how to set his mind to doing it. He needs to learn to say no to distractions, to quit lollygagging, and just get the job done! By the time he's a teen he'll be starting to think about getting a job outside of the home. That's not going to work out too well for him if he can't complete his work in a timely manner and do his best.

From scripture: Colossians 3:23

2. Respect Authority

I've been around teenagers enough to know that they're not always thrilled about being told what to do. Grown-ups aren't always “cool” or smart. My son needs to learn now that God has placed authorities in his life for a reason and that they need to be obeyed and treated with respect. (See also: 6 things my kids are not allowed to say to adults)

From scripture: Ephesians 6:1; Hebrews 13:17

3. Trust Mom and Dad

There will most likely be a lot of things my son wants to do that mom and dad are not going to allow. I want to lay a foundation of trust, love, and communication now so that when he is upset about not being allowed to do something he will still know deep down that it's for his own good. I can think of many times as a teenager that I chose to obey even though I was not happy about it. My parents had set up certain boundaries and I knew it was done out of love and for my own protection.

4. Work Hard and Use Initiative

I want my son to do his best in every thing he does; not just doing enough to “get by”. I want to see him excel in his academics, at his work, and in his service for God. I also want to help him learn to be sensitive to work that needs to be done without being told to do it. (A teenager who cleans his own room without being told? Is that possible? I don't know; but that's what I'm going to try to teach him!)

From scripture: Colossians 3:23

5. Tell the Truth

…even when it means he'll get in trouble.

From scripture: Proverbs 12:22; 17:7

6. Choose Good Friends

Choosing the right friends when you're a teeanger can make or break the direction you head in life. So many times a teenager wants to do what's right deep down inside, but they cave to peer pressure and choose a path that dishonors God just so they can be accepted by their friends. I want my son to have friends that will encourage him to do right and not pressure him to make the wrong choices.

From scripture: I Corinthians 15:33

7. Choose Purity

What an impure world we live in! Dirty magazines, nasty advertisements, lewd song lyrics and immodestly dressed women are constantly being flashed before my son's eyes. Combine that with his own sin nature that never leaves him, and the battle is in full force 24/7. I want to help him learn how to turn his eyes away from temptation and battle lustful thoughts with the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. If he can practice now before his physical passions arise in full force, he will be ahead of the game. I want to make turning his eyes away such a habit that he will do it without even thinking about it. As far as replacing lustful thoughts; I can't know what's in his mind, but we are teaching him to do this with every aspect of life, such as if he's angry with a sibling. He should replace the angry thoughts with something good and wholesome. If he can learn to do this with other things he can learn to do it when it comes to lust also.

I Timothy 4:12

8. Protect his Siblings

At the moment I was typing this I looked up to see my son dash after his baby sister. She was headed toward a piece of metal she saw in the yard and he did not want her to get cut on it. I want my son to learn to be a protector of his wife and family. What better way for him to learn than to protect his siblings?

I don't want him to be afraid to stand up for them if someone is bullying them. I want him to warn them if they are making choices that will have undesirable consequences. I want him to chase guys away from his sisters who are trying to woo them for purely selfish reasons.

9. Have a Personal Relationship with God

Without a personal relationship with God, all these other things are just making my son into a “nice person.” I want him to understand first of all that he cannot be good without being endued with the righteousness of Jesus Christ. Since he already professes faith in Christ for salvation, I want him to understand that he also needs to trust Christ for daily spiritual victory. I want him to understand that Christianity is not about following a list of rules; it's about having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and walking in obedience to him out of love. Learning to please God rather than just mom and dad will help my son do right whether mom and dad are around or not.

From scripture: I John 4:19; Romans 6:11

(See also: Helping Young Children Develop Their Own Relationship with God)

10. Treat Others Gently

Little boys are rough! I want to help my son learn to channel his endless energy into worthwhile pursuits. He needs to learn to release his energy only where appropriate and control himself when the situation requires it. Right now he is really good at just mowing people over or even pushing his siblings out of the way when he's focused on getting to a certain toy, running to a certain spot in the yard, or (cringe) trying to get past an elderly lady in the aisle at church. I want him to understand that a real man doesn't display his strength just by being the biggest, baddest, and most energetic. A real man best displays his strength when he can keep it under control. A real man uses his strength to help the elderly lady to her seat. A real man displays his strength by handing the toy to his sibling when he wants more than anything to play with it. A real man holds himself under control and chooses to walk indoors when he really wants to run and jump and play. A real man stops to help his little sister tie her shoe when his friends are starting a basketball game without him. A real man takes his focus off himself, slows down when he's going too fast, and stops to apologize and help someone up if he accidentally knocks them down.

From Scripture: Galatians 5:23 (meekness is a fruit of the spirit)

11. Choose Joy.

I'm not sure what makes teenagers grouchy sometimes, but it sure seems like that's a common characteristic! (I know I had my own share of grouchy moments as a teen!)

I'm sure changing hormones, changing nutritional needs, changing sleep needs, and confusing emotions all play a part, but I want my son to understand that joy is a choice, not a feeling.

From scripture: Philippians 4:4

12.Take Care of his Body and Exercise Self-control

“When I get older and have my own car and my own job, I'm going to go eat at Hardee's, Bojangles, Jack-in-the-Box, and Little Caesar's all I want! I'm going to eat hamburgers, pork chop biscuits, pizza, soda, and milkshakes.”

Yes, this is what my son aspires to once he gains a little more freedom.

Lovely.

I can't tell you how many times my mother told me as a teen, “You're going to pay for that someday,” as I stuffed my face with yet another piece of pizza or another helping of ice cream. I never paid for it with my weight, but I am continuing to pay the price with my health. I didn't take care of my body when I was younger, and my undisciplined choices have taken an unpleasant toll.

I want my son to understand that his body belongs to the Lord and that, while junk food tastes good, overindulging does not honor the Lord. The fact that his teenage body doesn't seem to be affected for the time being does not make it right.

From scripture: I Corinthians 6:19-20

13. Be Longsuffering and Forgiving

Sibling bickering between teens can sometimes be worse than bickering between younger children. The issues become bigger than just “You took the toy I wanted!” Instead teens are upset about the other sibling's half of the room being a mess, the fact that they won't leave them alone when they're hanging out with their friends, the fact that the other sibling won't keep their music turned off while they're trying to do their homework, or the fact that their brother borrowed their favorite shirt without permission.

Teenagers have a lot to forgive sometimes, whether it be annoying things their siblings have done or the hurtful way their friends made fun of their hairstyle.

I want my son to learn how to make the choice to forgive a sibling over a broken toy so that he will know how to forgive the deeper hurts that will no doubt occur as he gets older.

From scripture: Ephesians 4:32; Galatians 5:22

(See also: Dealing with Sibling Rivalry in the Christian Home)

Can you think of anything you would add to this list?